I recently posted a picture on Instagram with a Brené Brown quote about vulnerability.
I used to have no problem being vulnerable. I didn't even really see it as vulnerability, I was just a naturally open person, with no fear of getting hurt. I almost welcomed it. I appreciated the humanness in it.
So I guess in a word, I was young. But I miss that part of myself. We get older and experience love and loss and heartbreak and healing, and we find all these little ways to protect ourselves along the way; little bricks that we start stacking on top of each other. Before we know it, we have a whole wall of protection.
I was pretty proud of my wall. It's big and strong and does exactly what it's supposed to do. It keeps the sharp things out, but it also keeps me safely behind it. I know where the door is, but I only tell a carefully selected few how to get through it, and I'd really rather not open it myself.
Brené Brown talks about vulnerability being attached to shame. We don't like being vulnerable because we're afraid of the shame that we think comes along with being open and honest. We don't want to be rejected. For our ideas, for who we love, for what we want, for being human.
"Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change."
Every blog post, every photoshoot, every word that goes here is practice. We all want change, but we're afraid of getting there. We don't think we have the capacity to cope with the consequences of being open, so we stay the same, sure that the potential for disaster far outweighs just staying where we are.
"Vulnerability is having the courage to show up and be seen."
No one tells you that when you start a blog people are actually going to be paying attention. I'm practicing. And hey, I think I see a couple bricks on the floor.
These are a few images from a shoot I did a little while back with Tiarra Sorte. I've shared a few of them, but I was mostly hoarding them, not wanting to use them because I wanted to keep the option to use them. But I figured what good is the option, if you don't ever take it.